Abridged
November, 1996
By popular demand, I've removed the picture of me from my license from
this location in "Sham," and replaced it with a more flattering one.
That's me on the right, and my girlfriend, Jessica, on the left. This
picture was taken last year at my senior prom. The corsage is daisies and
a fire and ice rose. The tuxedo is rented from the Clinton Department
Store, and the beard is real.
For those of you who miss seing my physics paper, it's been moved to here.
Well, this is it, the post Election/pre Thanksgiving issue of "Sham." I'm done updating this particular page, and It will run until November 18. That doesn't mean you should stop sending me stuff, it means you should send me more!
It's also official that Bill Clinton is still the President of the United States, so I really don't have any reason to keep the Dole thing up, but I just think it's really funny, so I will.
Also, if you didn't hear Zorak when you started up, or you just think it's a waste of time, mail me. If it's a tech problem, tell me what browser and version you're using, and I'll work on getting the sounds readable by everyone. Right now, it's a .WAV, but I only have Netscape Navigator 3.0, so I can't test it out everywhere. If you think it's a waste of time, I hope you mean that it takes too long to get the page running with the sound, because this site supports Space Ghost in every form, and if you don't like that, you can leave. If you work at Cartoon Network and you're mad because that was copyrighted material, or you think I've broken some law, my name is Joe Bloggs, and I got to Yale University.
If you'd like to give me any suggestions, or just have some spare time and want to overload my e-mail account, I can be reached at my mailbox.
Dave's account of his run-in with Jesus
submitted by Dave
i saw jesus!! he was standing outside the cafeteria yelling at people to try the vegetarian dishes that evening. i was all, "listen up jesus. it says in the friggin bible that god put us on the earth to dominate the animals and EAT them!! jesus was all, "they torture the animals before they slaughter them! there is going to be a candle light vigil this evening for these agonizing souls." i said, "GOD DAMN YOU JESUS!! SUCK MY VIGIL!!" jesus replied, "yer goin to hell fer that!" i said, "jesus doesn't have a southern accent. FRAUD!!" then they tied jesus up and [did stuff to him.]
The Bob Dole Campaign responds to Sham-mail
The following is an actual response from a Dole campaign volunteer:
Sham: Please tell me that you're only supporting Dole because he's a republican. Even NIXON didn't like Dole. Come on. Tell the truth. We don't need another William Henry Harrison in the White House.
Dole campaign response: Bob Dole is a good man...Bill Clinton sucks and his wife is going to be indicted (finally)!!! We don't need that crap in the White House. I met Dole last weekend in Norfolk, VA. Good guy: maybe not the best communicator in the world, but nevertheless a good, HONEST, man. Tuesday, Nov. 5 will be a sad day when he loses. The Republican victory party at the Hyatt Regency Hotel here is sponsored by RPV [Republican Party of Virginia], the Dole campaign and senators John Warner and Tom Bliley. All good men.
Send respones here.
Question: Can you really eat all you want in college?
Sham: Yes, you can eat all you want, but are limited to a certain number of sittings. I signed up for the 14 sitting plan, and have averaged 31 meal per week
Question: Is it true that nobody in college wears any clothes?
Sham: No, you can't just walk around naked all over campus. You can only be naked on certain "wellness floors." I do not live on a wellness floor, so it is hard for me to shower
Question: Are people allowed to carry guns around just for the heck of it?
Sham: No, everyone does not carry a gun at college. Guns are allowed only after midnight and before five o'clock a.m. underneath signs that read "Bad Neighborhood." Most of the shootings at college occur after midnight and before five o'clock a.m. underneath signs that read "Bad Neighborhood."
Question: If you're naked where do you keep the gun? Do I want to know?
Sham: No, you don't want to know where the naked people on wellness floors hide their guns. On wellness floors 85% of the deaths occur due to gun hiding accidents (as do 64% of the cases of indegestion).
Send questions here.
Play: Peter Sham: A Space
Odyssey