Abridged
December and January, 1997-98
For over four years, I said that if I was ever going to cut my hair, I was going to go all the way. On Wednesday, May 5, 1993, I put my hair into a pony tail for the first time. Then 1674 days later, on Thursday December 4, 1997, I cut that pony tail off, and shaved my head.
When you think about shaving your head for the first time, you worry about one thing, and one thing alone: What if my head looks funny? And, of course, that's a major concern. What if you have bumps where there should be no bumps. What if you have a wierd birthmark. Since I was born with a lot of hair, I had no way to know. I just had to go for it. And I did.
"Aren't you cold?" everyone asks me now. No, I'm not usually cold, and I wear a hat when I am. You can stop asking me now.
"Why'd you do it?" is their second question. Why not? It's refreshing. I save money on shampoo. I save time in the shower. And most of all, chicks dig it.
I don't know if this is a universal truth, but it seems to work for me. Everyone seems to like it, even people I don't know. While guys tell me it looks intimidating, a girl I had never met before started up a conversation with me in the Haven elevator, minutes after I shaved my head. At a party on Saturday night, a girl introduced herself to me. Before I shaved, this kind of thing just didn't happen. I might get a nod or a smile, but it took a Geology lab, a canoe, or a shared hallway to get a girl to introduce herself to me and start up a conversation. In the three days since I shaved, it's happenned twice. Needless to say, it's a confidence booster.
No, I'm not saying go out and shave your head because it will change your life. It won't. Just don't get stuck in a rut. The pony tail was played. I'd milked that thing for everything it was worth. It was time to move on. I'm saying: Go out and do something different. Pierce something. Get a tattoo. Sled down a roof. Eat the Chicken Speedies.
For those of you who know me, and didn't know that I shaved my head, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to see the looks on all your faces. However, the rumor mill works fast, and I wanted to be the one to tell you: "I did it." E-mail me, and tell me how you reacted. Don't tell anyone else. Let them find out the way you did, or let me see their faces in person.
I did it, and it feels great.
Now, for Sham.
I've been putting off this issue for weeks, because I've been working on TORFQuest V, a role-playing game written specifically for the internet. I didn't want to put out an issue before I finished. Now I'm done. Please check out TORFQuest, I've worked long and hard on it, and I'm very proud of it. With your support, I can design more games for the internet, and bring the old TORFQuest games online.
I've also been working with Rocky Joe Bomgaars to perfect BrakOS 2.0.x. This resource for Macintosh users, along with a modified collection of the best Space Ghost related web pages in existence, is available at Metallus' Link Page.
At The Electron Cloud, you can check out the first page posted by a member of the DHHS Class of 1997, "Josh's Humble Abode." Also, check out three newly added pages from my fellow Lab Managers at The Orange Crate.
Of course, there are lots of great new poems, pictures, and toons to check out, as well as a supplemental letter that you never got to see because of my procrastination.
What else can I tell you? Remember to check this week's access stats here. Be sure to check out Ben Munson's "Commie Transformers" essay below. Keep those submissions coming. I'd like to see some art from readers, as well as any other content, and, of course, your comments. Have fun with this issue. I already have.
A Sham Essay
"Are the Transformers Communists?"
A while back, I purchased a copy of the1986 animated classic, 'Transformers: The Movie'. This mini-epic starred Leonard Nimoy, Judd Nelson, and Orson Welles in his final performance. It opens with a Decepticon (the bad guys, for those who aren't in the know) attack on the Autobots' (good guys) city on Earth, wherein the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime, is killed, and the Decepticon leader, Megatron, is transfigured by a world-eating planet called Unicron into a far more powerful being, Galvatron, in order to destroy the Autobots' Matrix of Leadership, a mystical artifact which has the power to destroy Unicron. Combine top-flight Japanese animation with the best in cheesy 1980's pseudo-metal, and you have a cinematic delight.
However, after watching the film several (yes, several) times, and discussing it with a group of my friends, I've come to some conclusions about a certain way in which the film can be interpreted. I believe that a Marxist/socialist/Communist interpretation can be applied to the film, analyzing its elements in terms of the Cold War scenario of the 1980's.
For example, the Autobots represent to the forces of Capitalism, i.e. the Western World. Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus, their leaders during the majority of the film, are both colored red, white, and blue, the colors of the American flag. They live in a society which is governed by 'energon', a power source which they use as a form of currency. Also, they are governed by a concensus, even though their leader holds veto power over their government.
The Decepticons, on the other hand, represent the forces of Communism, specifically the power of the Soviet Union, and the oppression of industry. For example, the Decepticons flee the battle of Autobot City in Astrotrain, a robot with the power to transform into a locomotive; this represents the Decepticons' dependence on industrialization, much like the Soviets'. The Decepticons are ruled in an autocratic manner, where those who can defeat or supplant the leader become absolute monarch over their society. The giant robot, Devastator, is the avatar of the 'collective' concept of Communism.
Other elements of the film represent other elements of the repressive Soviet society as well. For example, several of the Autobots find themselves trapped on the world of the Quintessons, imperial judges whose verdicts always result in death. They represent the unreasoning Soviet legal system, which was state-controlled and made no allowance for mercy or jurisprudence. The Quintesson's servants, the Sharkticons, are mindless, all-consuming drones; they represent the Army, which enforces the decisions of the judicial system without question or apprehension.
The Autobot Grimlock, who expresses his world-view in "Me Grimlock no kisser; Me Grimlock king!", eventually turns the Sharkticons against the Quintessons, with his superior physical presence. He is the analog of the Communist dictator, such as Joseph Brosz (Marshal Tito) of Yugoslavia and Ncolai Ceauescau of Romania; he enforces his desires through phyiscal means and terror, inducing those who serve the system to turn against it.
When Megatron is transfigured into Galvatron, he slays the Decepticons who disagree with him, namely Starscream. This is much like Stalin's purges of the old Leninist regimes in the early 1920's, getting rid of those who don't agree with your policies in order to make your government work. Galvatron's transformation is not only physical and mental but also ideological.
Several Autobots land on the planet of Junk, inhaited by the Junkions. The Junkions are ramshackle robots who are built and regenerate from the endless scrap heap which comprises their planet. They are addicted to television transmission, and much of the lingua franca of the Junkions is composed of phrases from common TV shows. They represent the endless proletariat of the Communist state, kept placid by the various media and endlessly regenerating from the wellspring of procreation.
Unicron is a monolithic figure within the movie, instigating much of its action. He changes Megatron into Galvatron, initiating the subsequent disruption of the balance of power between Autobot and Decepticon. Imagine if something had given Communism a clear advantage over Capitalism, leaving the concept of capitalism in the dust; that is what Unicron is. He represents the inevitability of economic change from barter, to capitalism, to socialism, as proposed by Karl Marx. Unicron is the inevitable dialectic of history.
The Autobots' Matrix represents the variable which economic analyses cannot predict, that is the desire of the human being for freedom and equality (Yeah, it's kind of hokey, but so's the plot). The Matrix is able to destroy Unicron, which is much like human consciousness disrupting the dialectic of history, resisting communism in favor of capitalism. When the Matrix destroys Unicron at the end of the film, it is much like the residents of East Berlin breaking down the Berlin Wall; they as well are resisting the inevitability of economic, social, and historical change from one system to another. These are just some of the elements in "Transformers: The Movie" which support the Marxist interpretation of its storyline. I encourage you to rent, buy, borrow, or steal it; it's great fun.
And that, my friends, is a Sham