A Holdaiy
Special
A Holdaiy
Special
Hello, my friends! Back in issue 2 of Captain Scurvy Speaks I talked about how '80s television programming is vastly superior to the stuff we have to endure today. Some interesting points have been brought up since then, and I'd like to address them all here in Issue 4. Consider this a Holiday Special or something.
Q.) Why did you compare the best shows of the '80s to the worst shows of today?
A.) Alright, you got me there. It is true that, in my fit of nostalgia, I was thinking fondly of the greatest '80s shows and comparing them to the worst '90s shows. So, to be fair, I thought about this for a while and concluded that there is some decent programming available today. Shows like "The X-Files" and "Chicago Hope" (mentioned in my article), or "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" or "Babylon 5" are all great '90s television programs.
My point, however, is that the shows of the '80s were consistently good. I could, for example, watch "Cartoon Express" on USA, followed by "Knight Rider" and then some "Airwolf" before it was bedtime. Saturday mornings, I could enjoy "Voltron" and "The Real Ghostbusters", after which I could flip channels and see "The A-Team". Then, on Monday night, I could settle in with my family to view "MacGyver". Finally, (as of '87), my Saturday nights would be complete, thanks be to "Star Trek: The Next Generation". Now, here in the '90s, I can no longer count on good TV being around when I'm free to watch it. Instead, I still look for reruns (I watch "The A-Team" on FX almost every day) of old '80s shows.
Q.) Why do you think anybody cares?
A.) You don't like it? Get your own damn web page.
These things stink. Besides being anatomically incorrect (they're too
damn big. Kids are gonna get inferiority complexes), they are just plain
UGLY to look at. Worse, they don't move like the old figurines did.
Remember how you could position the old figures any which way? Forget
about it. The new ones are about as flexible as peanut brittle. The
ultimate insult, however, is that these things come packaged with enough
weapons to destroy an aircraft carrier. The old JOES came with a rifle, a
helmet, and a backpack. We imagined explosions and created our own sound
effects. Getting down to the nitty-gritty, it would be difficult to put
one of these figures into a vehicle (remember all the old vehicles?
Memories....), which is probably just as well because, judging by the
arsenal I received with my figure, any vehicle would have enough firepower
to level a city. The new G.I. JOE figurines are not deserving of the
name, and I'd like to crack my Boathook over the heads of the entire
design team.And Now, a Review of: The "New" G.I. JOE Action
Figures.
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